How do you tell someone you’re tired of putting up with them? That you feel exasperated everytime they talk to you, everytime you see their name on your phone when they call you, everytime you see a message from them pop up on Facebook…how do you tell them that you need space?
Especially when they somehow consider you to be one of their only/closest friends?
I wonder what it’s like to be physically attractive. To have people actually look at you when you walk by because you catch their eye.
Ugh, so many people don’t even know they’re attractive and it makes me really sad. They don’t know that they turn heads when they walk in and don’t understand that there are actually people looking at them. Maybe they’ll realize it one day. A lot of my friends are like that…but I guess it’s because no one has ever really told them that they’re beautiful?
Oh, you walk in with your pretty little grin And everybody knows your name Where do I begin, everybody looks again But you don’t notice a thing
Beautiful people walking by we all sigh Oh beautiful people fill our eyes we all sigh Oh I’m a plain Joe with nothing to show Wherever I go I never get noticed I wish I could be one of those beautiful people
I’ve never really wanted to admit this because I never really considered myself to be that successful at manipulating others, which, to me, meant that I couldn’t be a manipulative person.
But I definitely am. I mess with people all the time and try and get them to say or do certain things, whether it be through partial truths or pretending to act dumb or whatever it might be. I think being good at manipulating others is something that I’ve strived for even though I knew in the back of my head that it wasn’t a good thing to strive for. And even though I still don’t think I’m that good at manipulating others, I think sometimes I’m a little more successful than I give myself credit for…which probably isn’t a good thing.
Half the time it’s joking and just playing around, but…I have a feeling that it could lead to worse things if I don’t take care of this now.
The first time I encountered this was in The Great Gatsby. The whole book is through Nick’s point of view-it isn’t a clear representation of what happens. It is imperfect.
On a sort of unrelated side note, I’m really sad when my friends make things up or lie, especially when it comes to making plans. If you don’t want to go, just say you don’t want to go. Or if you do want to go, try and keep up with the planning so that you don’t make life difficult for everyone. I thought that sort of thing was common courtesy, but apparently not. If you have family time on friday night, tell us that when we decide on tuesday that we’re going to hang out friday night instead of telling us on thursday night and saying “oh I thought we were doing friday afternoon” when we were clear that it was friday night and NOT friday afternoon because of other obligations ugh like why do you do this to people stahp it
and I’m probably acting like a child with this but it just gets really frustrating when it happens again and again and again and honestly it just makes me never want to plan anything with you ever again or trust anything that you say but I won’t do that because that’s mean and I’m trying not to be mean but you make it really hard ughhuuuuuuuuuu
I’m really trying for this test. I’ve been looking at notes, watching videos, and trying to study for almost all of today (besides class, eating, and a nap I accidentally extended a little too long). I haven’t even played any games today.
But I’m still so confused. I still don’t understand everything and unless God decides to suddenly grant me knowledge, I’m not going to know everything for this test.
Somehow, we’ve shifted from “caring too much about what people think about us” to “not caring at all about what people think about us”. And honestly, I am ridiculously terrified of the latter attitude because if people don’t care about what others think, society and all it’s conventions will go straight out the window, people will start doing what they want, and the world will DESCEND INTO DARKNESS ooOOOoo. Oh wait, isn’t that happening already? I also really want to post about this on my other blog but I’m scared that people will hate me (because I will be indirectly referring to people who follow me because some of them post some really dumb quotes about not caring about what people think.
But maybe I shouldn’t care about what they think and post it anyways HUEHUEHUE
No but seriously I don’t know what to do T_T I think it’s something that really needs to be addressed, but I’m not quite sure if I would be the best person to post about it…should I post or not? T_T
I wish there was a way for me to let everyone know that I was in a bad mood and that they shouldn’t talk to me (besides ignoring them or being really rude or having to tell everyone that contacts me that I’m in a bad mood). Sort of like an away status…except I could put it up everywhere. So like when people tried to text me, they’d see this little message that’s like, “Jon’s in a bad mood right now and doesn’t want to talk to anyone kthxbye”
What happens a lot is that people say they’re bad at something without even trying at it. Especially school. Everyone says they suck at this subject or that subject, but they don’t study. They don’t do the work. They try to scrape by, and then complain/whine about how miserable their life is because their grades are bad.
I wonder why. (However, I do realize some people do actually try and just can’t seem to get it no matter what they do).
I realize I have done/still do this too. But I actually try and limit it to things that I have actually tried. Badminton? Played for 10+ years. Tennis? Played for 2+ years. French Horn? Played for 7 years. Piano? Played for 5 years. Music in general? Almost 14 years of my life. Games? Might as well be 5ever. Despite how whiny I am, I really have tried to stick with things. And I still haven’t found where my talents are yet.
That’s why nowadays, I don’t really say my classes are hard. Because honestly, if I really tried, they wouldn’t be that hard. Sure, they’re tedious and time consuming…but hard? Naw, not really. I haven’t gotten to the “hard” stuff yet. But I find my current classes hard simply because I don’t try.
Oops, somehow this came back to me. Back to my original point.
I wish people would stop complaining about things that they could change.
I wish I would stop complaining about things that I could change.
I wish for a lot of things.
on a random sidenote, some of you might be wondering why I’ve been posting on this blog so much lately (and if you’re not, that’s fine. move on :3) and it’s because I realize a lot of this stuff is like, angsty, immature, adolescent stuff. and because it’s talking about certain people who follow my other blog so whooopsie
I felt really lonely tonight. Scrolling down my friends list and realizing that all of the people I normally talk to (which isn’t any) weren’t on made me a little sad. Then one of my friends logged on and started telling me about what a bad day he had.
She says if she fails it, she’ll feel really stupid.
She hasn’t been to class in over a week.
What am I supposed to think? I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to approach this situation from a Christlike perspective. She’s not stupid (at least, in terms of book smartness), and I know she could do well if she studied more/went to class and actually tried. Instead, she goes out to hang out with friends the night before the test and decides to sleep and study the morning of the test. I can’t help but think that if she fails this test, she’ll really have no one to blame but herself. She didn’t do very well on the first test, and has been “stressing out” about this second one for a while now. But she doesn’t go to class. She goes out to play with friends.
What am I supposed to think? Honestly, it’s pretty annoying for me to listen to her complain about how she’s going to fail and how stupid she is, yet she doesn’t try. I actually have a lot of friends like this, and I used to be like this too. But man, I didn’t really realize just how annoying it was. Honestly, I was in the exact same position last semester. Maybe it takes a fall for them to learn.
Some of you might know who I’m talking about, but she’s not the only one. A lot of people do this and it’s really frustrating and I’m not quite sure how to handle it besides grabbing a megaphone and yelling “SHUT UP AND GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER”.
I don’t know how to handle these situations. It kind of sucks that I know exactly how they feel, but I don’t really know how to help them. So I just tell them “Good luck” with a fake smile on my face. And then I return to my cave to fume some more because people are STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPID. Sometimes.
"how others see you is not important…how you see yourself means everything"
THAT IS A VILLIAN’S MOTTO
SERIAL KILLER? NO, I’M JUST PUTTING THEM OUT OF THEIR MISERY. I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY.
some people would probably say i’m “overthinking” things. or maybe taking things too literally. but this seems to happen a lot. I know what the author of the quote is trying to say (something along the lines of “don’t let other people define who you are”), but this quote is just TOO EXTREME. THINK ABOUT QUOTES BEFORE YOU REBLOG PLS.
or maybe i’m just in a bad mood idk
ok back to studying T_T
random note:I dislike people who are moody/can’t control their emotions. i.e., ME.
I got to catch up with a good friend that I haven’t seen much of this semester because we’re in different classes now and I’ve been spending most of my time in my room.
It was really good to see him and be able to eat with him, but…as I left, I just felt really sad. Part of me doesn’t miss hanging out in the study lounge and actually interacting with people. And part of me feels like I’m a pathetic excuse for a human being because I just…don’t care. I don’t do anything. I’m just…existing, and it’s so pitiful. It’s such a fall from what we were made to do.
I have a test tomorrow that I need to study for, but it’s hard for me to focus because I’m just so…I dunno. I just felt really sorry for myself today. Maybe it’ll go away.
Have you ever gotten to the place where you don't allow yourself to be happy?
It’s a really strange place, where everything is twisted and distorted. It’s like being lost in a maze, not knowing which way is up and which way is down…not knowing what to think or what to believe. Just…lost. Is my perception of reality accurate with what reality really is? Are things as bad as I think they are? How do I know if I’m exaggerating things and/or undervaluing other things?
On another side note (too lazy to make a separate post), I’ve found myself becoming a lot more selfish lately. I think that after coming to college, I’ve let people convince me that doing things for myself is actually ok, and that sometimes it’s fine to do what I want for a change. Which is probably true…except for the fact that I always take things out of proportion, which has led to me becoming more and more selfish with my time, energy, stuff, etc…ugh why do I ever let people convince me of things T_T TOO MANY SLIPPERY SLOPES FOR ME
I’m always swinging back and forth between things.
This is especially true when it comes to my interactions with people. Sometimes, I spent tons and tons of time hanging out with people or just going out and doing things. For example, during my entire senior year of high school, I was literally out of the house and hanging out with people till like at least 9-10pm almost everyday, either playing tennis or going out to eat or hanging at someone’s house. And it’s great and amazing and fun…for a while. But somewhere along the way, I get tired of it. And when I finally settle down and spend some time alone…I think, “Oh my goodness, why did I ever want to spend time with other people ugh Jon you’re so stupid because this is so much better and so much more enjoyable” and I spend a bunch of time alone enjoying the things that I couldn’t do before because I was so busy with other people and part of me is telling me that other people are more important and that friendship is great but it’s just not there and the video games and tv shows are just so much better…in that moment. But then I force myself to leave my room, I force myself to get out, and I think, “Wow, that was a lot of fun. Maybe people really are worth my time and energy” and the cycle starts again. But I’ve noticed that each time I go through, the sessions of alone time get longer. And longer. And longer.
Repeating a class is so hard. Not necessarily in terms of the course material and all that…but sitting through something for the second time really makes you feel like you have downs or something. And it doesn’t help when you’re sitting around a bunch of freshmen too. I felt like an old, senile man. Which I guess I am. Blegh.
On the bright side, it’s a really humbling experience? It still really sucks though. Whenever I tell people that I’m repeating two classes for this semester, it makes me want to go bash my head on a wall.
A lot of my friends (not all) who are in relationships don’t seem to be enjoying them much.
They don’t seem like very healthy relationships at all.
But at the same time, I can’t really judge because I don’t know enough about them and their relationships. All I know is that everytime they talk to me about it, it’s them complaining about something that’s not going right.
And I always want to tell them that they should be talking to their significant other about this, not me…but I guess it doesn’t always work that way.
I keep forgetting how messy relationships are because I always think of how they should be.
"It’s just a rough patch." But why are there so many patches?? The majority of the relationship should be enjoyable and fulfilling. That’s why they call them rough patches-they only happen once in a while. If they happen more than half the time, then it’s not really a patch anymore. Just think about patching up a pipe. You patch up small holes here and there…but if more than half the pipe is gone/missing, you’re not really patching it anymore…you’re just…well, at that point, you should just buy a new pipe, no? Wow ok ignore my bad analogies nvm.
I dunno. I guess to me, it just seems like a lot of the relationships around me are really unhealthy, and I always end up thinking, “this person would be happier without the relationship”. But obviously, the other person doesn’t think that or they wouldn’t still be in the relationship so maybe people just like telling me depressing things because they like watching me be sad.
Or maybe it’s because I’m such an unexcited person that telling me happy things always brings down their mood because I’m not as happy as they are after they tell me it. Either way, still a lose-lose?
one of the worst moments in life is probably when you’re in a room full of people and you look around and see them all talking and laughing and all of sudden you feel so sad and lonely that you can even feel a physical pain in your chest because you realize that they all belong to someone and they all have someone who belongs to them and you don’t, you’re just kind of there
Ok guys so this post was so good until ALL OF SUDDEN…!!!
Man, this thing is approaching 100k notes too. I don’t know how people make these mistakes (or why people don’t correct them when they reblog). Like, it’s not even a conversation where you make a typo that you can’t fix…it’s a post that you can read over and edit AT ANY TIME. That being said, I make typos too so I guess I’m just as dumb.
Ok I should really stop this. I’ve just been kind of on edge recently…maybe because of stress and/or lack of sleep? I dunno. I’m just not a pleasant person to be around (not that I was particularly pleasant to be around to begin with, but it’s gotten worse).
I feel like it would be a bad idea to make another blog just to make fun of all the reblogs I see
But I feel like it’d be bad to just make fun of them on my main blog because people might get offended
But seriously some of these are ridiculous like
"But what happens when he’s your Romeo but you’re not his Juliet?"
…Guess that means only one of you dies. You’ll fake your death for him and he’ll be like k good riddance LOL gg and then you’ll be like omg I can’t be with Romeo time to die
It’s late and I’m just easily irritated right now and I should sleep but I have my test tomorrow and this is probably what I would be like if I were ever to get drunk oh gosh I hope that never happens I’d be so embearbear
Do people ever tell you that you should do something with them (ie. hang out, grab a meal, go watch a movie, etc…) but then never follow up with you?
Like, they get so excited and they’re like OMG LET’S GO ________ (<==insert activity here) THIS WEEKEND and you’re like OK LET’S GO and then the weekend comes and they’re like oh no i’m busy let’s do it some other time and then it never happens and you just kind of sit there scratching your head and wondering what they’re thinking and whether they even want to be your friend or not
I don’t get it :( Do people like getting my hopes up just so they can crush them? The flakes are everywhereee….too bad they aren’t snowflakes :(
Maybe people just hate me but because I know so many of their friends they try to act nice to me or something I don’t know
I just want to get to the end. That’s just how I am. I find that most of the time, I’m less about the journey and more about the end goal. Like, for tests. Instead of emphasizing the studying and learning aspect, I tend to emphasize the grade I get on the test-the “end goal” (even though the real end goal is learning the skills for later on, but that’s not the point). Or school. I just want to finish college. Get through it. Sure, it’s fun and all, but…I don’t know. I just want to finish. Even in life. I want this to be over. I want to be in heaven. I want to get past all this suffering without really thinking about how the suffering is supposed to make me grow, make me stronger. I just want to be perfect already. But that’s not how things work.
But man, I hate the journey sometimes. SCREW THE CLIMB T_T actually Ahmir does a good cover of it but that’s not the point either ugh the journey is actually really important it’s just really hard T_T. And I do really wonder sometimes whether it’s worth it to keep living when heaven would be so much sweeter…I hope I don’t subconsciously have a death wish somehow. That might be bad…
I feel like this blog has sort of lost its value. It was originally a place for me to be completely open and be more “depressing” or “venty” if need be without worrying too much about people misinterpreting or bothering those who didn’t care…but even now, I find myself going through my followers to make sure that I won’t post anything that might be misinterpreted or might be considered offensive…
I don’t know if I need this blog anymore. Maybe I’ll just make a private one…I don’t really know. Even now, people are telling me that my main blog is still pretty depressing…so I don’t really know what to do. I don’t think that I’m depressed or anything, but I guess I’m not as happy as some (most?) people.